I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
