I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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