i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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