Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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