New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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