He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
