It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
