I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
