I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
