The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
