Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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