why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Randomize
