sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
