and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
