you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
