it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
