I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
