They should really pass out barf bags in church
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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