There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
