I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
