I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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