HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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