WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
