my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
