so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
