is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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