the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
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