I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He shit in the fireplace
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
