im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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