I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
