he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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