do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
