I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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