i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
