So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
