Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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