I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
