I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
How external is "for external use only"?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
