That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
time to smoke my breakfast
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
This house was built for laser tag.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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