If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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