I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
