she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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