i think i scared a bird with my dick
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
