So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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