Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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