its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
