Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
