you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
