Her vagina should come with caution tape.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
where are you?
Hypothermia
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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