she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
