True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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