dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
