Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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