so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
