The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
