im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize