Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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