Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
