We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
