Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize