I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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