New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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