I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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