last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
